Lights, Camera, Payton! Acting Fits Sonics Star Like A Glove

For someone who could (trash) talk as well as Seattle Sonics legend Gary Payton, success on the small and big screens was a no-brainer. In addition to playing himself, Payton has portrayed a politician, a prison inmate (yes, those were separate roles), and basketball-related characters.

His first role, according to IMDb.com, was uncredited as a “Street Baller” in the 1992 Wesley Snipes-Woody Harrelson film, White Men Can’t Jump. What follows is a continuation of his filmography.

Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper

In the 1996 episode, “Will She or Won’t She?” lead character Mark proposes to Vanessa. Sitting courtside at a Sonics-Warriors game in Oakland, Payton and Golden State’s Penny Hardaway come over to visit (because of course they do!). Gary and Penny argue over who got Mark such great seats.

Eddie

Whoopi Goldberg starred in the 1996 film Eddie, about a limo driver-turned coach who leads the New York Knicks from mediocrity to playoff glory.

As you’d imagine, the movie includes an NBA Who’s Who. From Sportsnet.ca: “Gary Payton, Anthony Mason, Herb Williams, and John Starks appear as amateur street ballers.”

(Trivia: Payton’s name in the film is Rumeal Smith.)

“NBA players and coaches making cameos as themselves include Alex English, Dennis Rodman, Muggsy Bogues, Nick Van Exel, Spud Webb, Doc Rivers, Vinny Del Negro, Vlade Divac, Terrell Brandon, Brad Daugherty, Mitch Richmond, Avery Johnson, and Larry Johnson, who plays the Knicks’ biggest on-court villain.”

Hang Time

This basketball-themed Saturday morning NBC show was aimed at the Saved By The Bell teen crowd. It followed the exploits of the boys’ team (which included one female player) at fictional Deering High. In a 1997 episode, Payton is recruited for a game of HORSE-style shooting competition against coach Bill Fuller to raise money for the school library.

Reggie Theus, himself a former NBA player, portrayed the coach. Gary gets to exercise a mild version of his trash-talk to Fuller. “The word is, you’ve been throwing up so many bricks, the school is passing out hard hats.”

The Jamie Foxx Show

No photos turned up from Payton’s 1998 cameo on the HBO sports agent series, Arli$$. However, we do have visual evidence of Gary guest-starring that same year on The Jamie Foxx Show. In the episode, Foxx’s Jamie King is coaching a youth basketball team, while Payton coaches the opposition.

Gary is a taskmaster to his young charges, telling them, even after they won, “Y’all meet me in the parking lot. You got a lot of laps to run. You made too many mistakes.” When King objects, he and Payton square off in a 2-on-2 game – which also includes Sonics teammate Vin Baker. And there’s more signature Payton trash talk. “Man, you got more excuses than a brother going to jail.”

The Breaks

It’s back to to the big screen in 1999 for The Breaks, a “comedy” about an Irish male raised by a Black family in Compton, California. “Comedy” is in quotes because the premise is cringeworthy at best. Derrick King is White, see, but acts like he’s Black. (Hey. Maybe he’s related to Jamie Foxx’s Jamie King character.)

Payton gets to trade his basketball togs for an orange prison jumpsuit. When Derrick gets locked up, Payton questions his ethnic credibility. “The sister you most want to sleep with: Halle Berry or Janet?”

After The Sunset

If you thought any of the previous roles Payton was asked to play stretched credulity, wait ’till you get a load of this. In 2004’s After The Sunset, Gary must play a Los Angeles Laker who complains about getting called for an offensive foul. Where do scriptwriters come up with this stuff?

The Salma Hayak-Pierce Brosnan caper begins with a diversion in the stands after the foul call against Payton. In the confusion, Brosnan escapes from FBI surveillance with the jewels he’s stolen, as Payton, Shaquille O’Neal and Karl Malone, all basketball players, continue pretending to be basketball players. Director Bruce Ratner says later, “Gary’s a great guy.”

Fear Not

Payton next turns up as “Senator Todd” in 2011’s Fear Not. The IMDb.com synopsis says, “A student filmmaker stumbles on a 70’s era camera containing footage of a grisly murder. To film his own feature he convinces friends to break into the abandoned historic home where the tragedy occurred. He realizes the thing their cameras will record are their own deaths.”

The film’s “Top Review” on Amazon.com says “Avoid,” followed by, if I counted correctly, 37 exclamation points. Count for yourself. In a bold and shocking meta plot twist, though, Payton shows up in the flick as Sen. Todd, proposing to outlaw films like Fear Not. Shyamalan-ian!*

(*Okay, that “outlaw” part is made up.)

Lego Movie 2, The Second Part

Payton’s most recent big-screen role can only be described as a blockbuster. After all, he’s a series of blocks, in 2019’s Lego Movie 2, The Second Part. LM2,TSP has grossed $200 million worldwide and has an 84% positive rating on RottenTomatoes.com. How much of that can be attributed to the voice casting of Payton and women’s pro star Sheryl Swoopes is likely between quite a lot and almost entirely.

Without giving away too much, the film’s hero, Emmet Brickowski, encounters the pair in Apocalypseburg. After Swoopes makes some comment, Payton issues the immortal comeback, “You got that right, WNBA legend Cheryl Swoops.” (Emmet, as far as we know, is not related to former Sonic Frank Brickowski.)

Asked about the hoops duo, director Mike Mitchell told USA Today, “Why wouldn’t they be in this world? (Producer) Chris Miller is a huge fan of Gary Payton. And we’re big fans of Sheryl and thought it would be cool to give a shout-out to one of the greatest WNBA players.”

Glove Needed A Hanky, Just Once

Of course, sometimes Gary Payton buys a ticket to watch a movie like the rest of us. TMZ asked him if he’d ever cried while watching a film.

“I don’t cry at movies,” Gary answered. “I don’t see ‘cry’ movies. I’m watching Superman, X-Men, Spider-Man.” Did Titanic make him cry? “Heeeeeeck, no!” Then The Glove reconsidered, remembering 2013’s The Best Man Holiday, about a reunion of college friends. “When the wife had cancer and died. That made me cry, I’m going to tell you for real.”